American mentality

How are Americans different from Russians?

It has already been said a million times about how Americans are different from everyone else, how difficult they are to understand and why they should not be taken seriously. And we decided to talk about why these qualities are actually good. After all, they live somehow, often even better than many countries.

It is often difficult for us to fully understand even the people living in the neighborhood, let alone the inhabitants of another continent. The American mentality differs from the Russian one so much that even if we speak the same language, everyone will speak about their own. The culture of fake smiles, competition behind the back, unpleasant people — whatever stereotypes are taught in America. Some of them really have a place to be, but some are just speculations of those who did not have much experience of communicating with Americans.

American Butler experts gathered and shared their experience of interacting with US residents. We present you the most faithful insider guide to communicating with Americans — how they are friends, is it worth trusting and how to build strong relationships based on mentality.

Forewarned is forearmed. Let's consider several main features of the American mentality that a person from Russia or the former countries of the socialist camp will definitely stumble over.

A smile is for everyone, criticism is for our own

This is what works exactly the opposite in Russia. We are not used to smiling at strangers and do not like to share our joys (here “happiness loves silence”), but it’s easy to talk about how really bad things are, how tired at work and what a goat this new boyfriend of our daughter is. If a stranger smiles in the subway, then you should look — suddenly there is something drawn on your face with a pen or your hair is disheveled and looks stupid.

The American will not burden you with what really bothers him, at most he will complain about the weather or something else harmlessly irrational. But it will literally plunge you into positive, your own, someone else's and universal. Will tell you how you look good, smell delicious and what cool salad you chose for lunch. Yes, sometimes it's all artificial, but what's the difference? After such a conversation, you do not feel drenched in some kind of liquid — you just smile reflexively in response.

Treating everyone as politely and friendly as possible is an integral part of culture, without it there would be no America. In a society where dozens of nations are forced to get along, there is no other way. And even now it is still relevant: where else in this world of stress and high speeds can you find such an attitude just for what you are.

Friendship

One way or another, almost everyone in America is friendly. But this does not mean that every person should be trusted unconditionally. A good default attitude is just part of the culture.

Sincere friendship, like in the movies, is definitely not worth waiting for if:

• The person serves you;
• You are business partners;
• You are neighbors (not always, but 90% of the time);
• A person depends on you in some area, especially in financial;
• You got into a conversation in a public place and coincided in interests / opinions.

America has a very developed culture of social interaction. You can be helped or supported by conversations just like that, without relying on long-term friendships. Since America was originally based on "foreign" land and has a huge national spread, people tend to retain at least the illusion of friendliness in order to avoid conflicts and disagreements.

So how do you recognize the prospect of a long and warm friendship? There are several options that almost always work:

• The person himself will seek contact with you — in the case of duty politeness, this is unlikely to happen, outside of casual interaction, no one will be interested in you;
• You are often invited to join the company — go to the cinema, to a bar or cafe, run on the beach, go shopping;
• You are trusted with personal problems, you are consulted - Americans will not talk about personal issues if they want to see a person for the first and last time.

Of course, all this is not a guarantee, each case is individual. But you should not neglect the chance.

Friendship is friendship, and the police will arrive

It is accepted by us that only a stranger can be against your actions. With a friend, you can steal apples from a neighbor in the country. The wife will not tell anyone that the husband has put a magnet on the meter and now it counts less water than it should. Mom will cover everything in front of anyone. And in general, if there is no police nearby, there is a lot to do.

In the United States, you can be acquaintances, buddies, best friends, spouses, relatives, identical twins — anyone. But if you threw out the garbage incorrectly, did not pay for parking or throw darts at the portraits of your neighbors at home, you will be handed over.

And this is not because everyone is bad and harmful. And because freedom always has boundaries. You can look whatever you want, you can say whatever you want, but if you act in a common space and do not take into account the norms, be so kind as to answer for everything. And there are no exceptions to this rule.

Guests

People come here quite often, usually close friends or neighbors. Moreover, the latter — even if your relationship is so-so, and you don't know them well at all.

Here the same scheme is working: "Better a Catonic peace than a real war." Not maintaining relationships with neighbors is considered bad form and a sign of a bad owner. Often it ends with close attention of neighbors and their own reports to the police about your strange behavior after every sneeze, public control never sleeps here.

Go for tea with a pie, and then tell everyone you know about what's interesting or surprising in your house — it's normal. So it’s even calmer in the end, it would never occur to anyone to look for flaws in you and give rise to gossip. Therefore, if you do not want to fight off your neighbors, but privacy is also dear to you, try not to display something personal in prominent places in your house.

Regardless, inviting a friend over is to show a certain amount of trust. And to issue a subscription "Come at any time, even without a call", consider this. There are also positive aspects — a friend who is often in your house will gladly agree to look after children or pets in your absence, will bring something tasty with him and carefully treat your property.

A standard set of treats for guests — soft drinks (juices, beer, soft drinks), cookies, some kind of light snacks. If you are visiting, the set is about the same — in the USA it is not customary to come with bags of food and gifts for children, it is better to be more modest in such gestures, especially if you have been friends not so long ago or are very different in terms of wealth. And all because a person may feel obligated and the delicate balance will be disturbed in the direction of duty politeness.

Money is happiness

To be a romantic and dream of the victory of the light, kind, eternal — this is what paints the soulful Russian person. Money is evil. Buying a good attitude or service is always somehow not very comfortable. Everything about money and about money is false, difficult, has no real meaning, because you can't take it with you to the next world.

In America, being rich is equal to being smart, adventurous, and able to take responsibility into your own hands. Yes, everything is for sale and everything is bought. But the important thing is not how you feel about it, but that if you want you can also earn something and buy something. There is nothing shameful at all in wanting to get rich, even more — this is the main quality of a future leader.

Almost all American history is built on the stories of big or small business. Money rules the world here and not tipping is not just not getting into the cultural context. It is insulting and humiliating. This position can be treated in different ways. But the very fact that the US economy is still alive and developing suggests that not everything is so bad.

Sincerity

Americans are also people, nothing human is alien to them. Each of them needs understanding and support as much as any other person. Moreover, in a developed capitalist society, sincerity is a big deficit, and keeping a face is a habit. This raises the value of simple human expressions of compassion and support many times over.

Typically, African Americans are the most open, sincere, and compassionate in the United States. They rarely pay attention to financial situation or status, and they readily establish emotional exchanges, especially with loyal and kind whites. This kind of friendship can last for many years and bring a lot of joy. But here, too, you should be careful at first.

The white population is constrained by hypocrisy a little more, especially for the descendants of the British and Germans. They are more attached to their families, and newcomers are perceived without irritation, but also without much respect. The descendants of the Indians do, as they say, "face with a brick" and diligently do not pay any attention to foreign newcomers. The situation changes dramatically in the case of the descendants of Italians, French and other European nationalities.

Mexicans and other Spanish-speaking people are good company to have fun, but in case of trouble they will not always help. The priority is always with their own — family, neighbors, friends from the same ethnic group.

In any case, if you show loyalty and a willingness to support the person, he will most likely treat you the same way.

Modesty does not adorn

If you want a lot, you will get little. You need to ask a little less than you want — they teach us from childhood. Because more is simply impolite, ugly. The more modest a girl behaves, the more she is praised. The more modest and more silent the boy, the more words sound about his intelligence and prudence. You should not stand out, so as not to rattle problems, not to be branded as an upstart and not to run into great responsibility.

The dream of every American child is to be popular in their school. Recognition, fame and brightness guarantee peer respect, parental pride and self-worth. Every semester there is a debate in schools, where children learn to publicly defend their point of view and prepare a self-presentation. In addition — elections to school councils and other elements of self-government.

For most children in the post-Soviet space, this approach may even seem cruel. Children openly compete with each other, things are not always limited to words. But for American children, this natural selection is often more important and useful than ordinary lessons. In the future, this helps to survive in a society with fierce competition, to cling to opportunities and gain authority. And then the money will catch up.

We often think that in order to live well in America, you need to be a white-toothed handsome man, whom everyone loves. But in fact, it is enough just to be yourself and not be ashamed: do not be ashamed to love money, do not be ashamed to say nice words, do not be afraid to defend your position. American Butler can prove it in practice — we will put together a tour for you, during which you will interact with a variety of Americans.